To Watch: I Found Someone Who Needed Me as Much as I Needed Them

"I Found Someone Who Needed Me as Much as I Needed Them" 
Post on Reddit: r/GriefSupport


"Hi everyone! I’m a lurker of this sub, but I saw this on tiktok and it made me cry. I lost my mom 5 years ago and I totally relate to that feeling he talks about of being in “survival mode”. I thought someone might like it and feel better ❤️ I hope everyone’s okay"

To Read: How to Prepare Your Digital Life for Your Death

How to Prepare Your Digital Life for Your Death by Eric Ravenscraft | PC Magazine (May 21, 2021)

Image: Shutterstock via PC Mag 

"Death is as somber as it is inevitable. But as we live more of our lives online, it's more important than ever to make sure loved ones can access digital accounts when we're gone. Don't be the guy who locked cryptocurrency exchange customers out of $250 million after his death because only he knew the password.

There are a number of ways loved ones can request access to your accounts once you're gone, but they don't need that stress. Several online services allow you to designate legacy contacts or grant access after a period of inactivity. Here's how to make sure those you leave behind can manage your affairs after you head to the great beyond."

To Read: 'To Me He's Not A Number': Families Reflect As U.S. Passes 500,000 COVID-19 Deaths

'To Me He's Not A Number': Families Reflect As U.S. Passes 500,000 COVID-19 Deaths by Melissa Block | MPR Morning Edition (February 22, 2021)

"How do we wrap our minds around the fact that more than half a million people have died of COVID-19 in the United States alone?

The nation just passed that milestone: 500,000 lives lost, in one year.

For the families of those who died of COVID-19, each successive milestone of this pandemic may seem irrelevant to their particular, punishing loss.

[. . . ]

"The larger the numbers are," he says, "the harder it is to feel the empathy anymore. And I don't know how we make that empathy personal again. ... Our brains are not good with big numbers."

"It just won't stop growing"

The sheer weight of those numbers can tend to dwarf the individual stories behind each person who died. What does it mean when you're just one of half a million?

To Read: It's Okay to Grieve for the Small Losses of a Lost Year

It’s OK to Grieve for the Small Losses of a Lost Year By Tara Parker-Pope | The New York Times (3/15/21)

"In the hierarchy of human suffering during the pandemic, a canceled prom, a lost vacation or missing out on seeing a child’s first steps may not sound like much, but mental health experts say that all loss needs to be acknowledged and grieved.

'People don’t feel like they have the right to grieve,' said Lisa S. Zoll, a licensed clinical social worker in Lemoyne, Pa., who specializes in grief counseling. 'A year into this, the losses are piling up. I just had this conversation in my office when this person said, "I can’t complain about my grief, because people have it worse." But we have to correct that thinking. Your grief is your grief. You can’t compare it to other people’s.'"

To Watch: Speaking Grief: A Documentary

Speaking Grief: A Documentary produced by WPSU Penn State | Vimeo (8/30/20)


"Speaking Grief explores the transformative experience of losing a family member in a death- and grief-avoidant society. This national public media initiative includes a one-hour television documentary, media-rich website, social media campaign, and numerous community engagement events, all aimed at starting a national conversation about grief.

Moving away from the idea that grief is a problem that needs to be “fixed,” Speaking Grief validates the experience of grievers and guides those wishing to support them. There is no “right” way to grieve. By sharing diverse representations of bereavement, Speaking Grief illustrates that grief is a universal, yet individual experience.

The documentary is part of a multi-platform project aimed at elevating a national conversation around grief by creating the space for the journey to recovery. The Speaking Grief Project has been made possible with philanthropic support from the New York Life Foundation."


To Read: A Pet's Death Can Hurt More Than Losing a Fellow Human

A Pet’s Death Can Hurt More Than Losing a Fellow Human by Dyani Sabin | Popular Science (5/1/18)

Social norms are wrecking your grief experience.

"I already imagine losing my puppy will be harder than burying my gerbils, but I also didn’t stare into my gerbils’ eyes quite as much. No matter the species, our bonds with our pets are unlike our other relationships. For one, Bussolari says, they’re entirely dependent on us. For another, Irvine says, “we idealize animals, especially dogs. We create them as these almost angelic characters, so we have this idea of unconditional love for us.” When they die, she explains, it almost seems like a violation of this mythos we’ve built around them."

To Read: How to Practice

How to Practice by Ann Patchett | The New Yorker (3/1/21)

I wanted to get rid of my possessions, because possessions stood between me and death.

"Holding hands in the parking lot, Tavia and I swore a quiet oath: we would not do this to anyone. We would not leave the contents of our lives for someone else to sort through, because who would that mythical sorter be, anyway? My stepchildren? Her niece? Neither of us had children of our own. Could we assume that our husbands would make order out of what we left behind? According to the actuarial tables, we would outlive them.

Tavia’s father died when she and I were fifty-six years old. At any other time, we might have been able to enjoy a few more years of ignoring the fact that we, too, were going to die, but thanks to the pandemic such blithe disregard was out of the question."

And:

"This was the practice: I was starting to get rid of my possessions, at least the useless ones, because possessions stood between me and death. They didn’t protect me from death, but they created a barrier in my understanding, like layers of bubble wrap, so that instead of thinking about what was coming and the beauty that was here now I was thinking about the piles of shiny trinkets I’d accumulated. I had begun the journey of digging out."